A Healthy Dose of Retrospective

I think it's really important to review. Time passes, things happen, and growth occurs. Some growth is effective--so that next time you don't step on an angry bee--but some growth is slow and requires a certain level of introspection.

Boy meets girl, boy is nice to girl, girl does a few annoying things, girl gets close, girl becomes a threat, and boy is grateful that he never really committed.

I mean, there are a million and one scenarios. There are a million and one victims or villains. (Though I am willing to bet you are the victim at least 51% of the time.) In review, what happens when you realize that all the things that happened to you made you feel one way when they happened, and another now, but you get the most odd sense that everything is happening to you, no matter how hard you tried to make it happen.

What happens when you feel like you are spinning out of control and all you want is to take a careful step on that icy street so you don't fall and fracture your knee this time?

I can't believe the things that have happened to me in the last year or two. The number of meaningful connections, valuable artistic pursuits, and amount of production of personal merit has been off the charts. I should follow Amber's example and write up a gratitude list post for those things.

But what really gets me is through all the experiences of the past years, the one thing I've wanted has just become more clear, more present in my mind, and more important. I am missing something and I don't know it yet, so I can't quite describe it. I can't correlate my feeling to a real experience, so I flounder for words and grasp for footing that will give me the knowledge of where I am going and what I am going to do there.