Ah! waiting -- the prophetic state of half-slitted eyes fixed on the square horizon: the casement propped open in preparation for that sweet honey touched breeze. Come in! Come in! Fill the air and take no prisoners.

Silence

I've been on hiatus. At first I couldn't imagine posting another blog, not after the last time I watched things slip away from me. I thought - my silence is my safety. If I don't write, I won't disappoint myself with the reality of it.

So, I made another blog. A blog to creatively detail my adventures in Sweden.

Problem is, the adventures in Sweden have been more internal than I had hoped. I'm under the sneaking suspicion that I am just an internal person. I also made a startling realization about my own blogging habits when I came across my very first livejournal. My posts were confusing, dripping with self-loathing and insecurity, and just downright embarrassing to read. (I'm so glad no one can see that anymore.) I've always been a perfectionist, or insecurity about my own writings. I can never fill a journal because the 'point' of one entry must match the point of all the others. No mixing creativity with internal emotional struggles, no combining intellectual thoughts with story-planning. So every journal I've ever started I've abandoned.

I am here to make a commitment. Really to myself. I'm going to keep writing. Maybe not daily, maybe not anything interesting, but I know the outlet is good. And the small creative snippets I've given residence here are one way for me to clear my mind of the shit, the clutter, the troubles that keep me from relaxing and calm myself.